Putin Wins, But Still Jealous of Unity Caucus Control

With most of the ballots counted, Putin had received 76% of the vote, the central election commission said.

 "The Unity Caucus operation manual is my bible and Michael Mulgew is my hero," stated Putin. "He gets the same or greater percentage of votes and he doesn't even have to poison people."

"Sixty years in power is even better than Stalin."He hopes to meet with Unity officials soon to get ideas on how he can increase his dominance.

Putin smirked that the opposition in the UFT should not to be fooled by the improved food at the executive board and suggested they bring food tasters to future meetings.

He promised that Russian hackers would hack into the MORE emails accounts and be involved in the next UFT election to push Unity totals even higher.